Duality
by Frozenleaf
Summary: Asbel didn't exactly think things through at the core, but co-existing with Lambda was a battle he didn't intend to lose. Spoilers, takes place during L&L. Companion fic to Conversations
1. Contact

_(A/N: When I was working on Conversations, I wished that I could also shoehorn in Asbel-Lambda interactions because I felt that, like the Sophie-Lambda dynamic, the Asbel-Lambda dynamic during the f arc was ridiculously limited given that this particular dynamic was one of the most important parts of the plot. Hence, I decided to write a new fic focusing on these two, taking place alongside Conversations even though the other fic is mostly irrelevant to the plot of this fic. I think this is the first time I've ever focused on an Asbel-centric story so it was an interesting experience and I hope that people will enjoy this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it!)_

* * *

 **Contact**

 _"I would consume you. In time, your space would fade and disappear."_

 _"You won't consume me."_

* * *

Lambda was moping.

Even though the creature dwelling within his mind hadn't said a thing, Asbel knew it. There was a sadness that had wormed its way into his thoughts; a feeling that distinctly wasn't his. He had felt it ever since Lambda had awakened, three days ago in the ruins beneath Gloandi. It didn't really affect him, but it was constantly _there_ ; like a shadow lurking just beyond the periphery of his vision. He could only describe it as _weird-_ to feel something, yet realize it wasn't his own.

Six months ago, when he had reached the momentous decision to accept Lambda, he hadn't fully considered what it would mean, to live day by day with the creature within him. It had been a genuine, spur-of-the-moment decision- and because of that lack of forethought and instantaneous emotion, Lambda had decided he had meant no harm. For six months, the once-destructive creature had been sleeping- a dull throb in the back of his head, nothing more. For six months, they had avoided the consequences of their actions back in Ephinea's core; the reality that they now shared: that they were living together; two separate beings in one body.

And now Asbel had no idea how to even begin a conversation with the creature that dwelled in his mind.

They had stopped for the night at Velanik, where the night was quiet, leaving Asbel to his thoughts- and with Lambda's. Everyone else had already fallen asleep, judging by the gentle snores that echoed through the room. But there was a nagging feeling that prompted Asbel to act. He felt like a bystander to Lambda's sadness- and he hated realizing that he was the only one who could sense that; hated that he hadn't already done anything to alleviate his companion's state of mind. He couldn't help but wonder if this was how Richard had felt when he first realized Lambda dwelled within him- helpless in the face of the ancient creature's weight.

Deep down, despite everything he had told Lambda at the core, once the reality started setting in, he had felt... unease. Not doubt or fear, and certainly not because he didn't believe that Lambda wanted to _live,_ but he had no idea how to help the creature, no idea what it was that he could actually _do_ in the face of such overwhelming sorrow.

But doing nothing, and ignoring the unending thrum of despair pressing in against his companion, was much worse.

And so, even though he had no idea what he hoped to achieve or what he was actually doing, Asbel decided to try to reach out to Lambda- like he had, once before.

He spoke quietly into the night, angling his body away from his companions so that he wouldn't disturb their rest. "Are you alright, Lambda?" his voice was loud in his ears, even though he tried to keep it to a whisper. He paused, waiting for either a response from his friends or the creature in his mind.

There was no response.

Asbel sighed softly, burying his head into the pillow. He hadn't expected anything different, but he had hoped; and even if his hopes were irrational, he wished he could reach the being that dwelled within his very body. And while he had grasped Lambda's hand all those months ago, he remembered all too clearly how the creature had almost slipped away from his grip, and then how his tiny fingers curled lightly into Asbel's palm without explanation.

Such it was, then, that he was genuinely surprised when a deep voice cut through the stillness of the night.

 _"I do not require your help."_

The voice was curt and raw, resounding in his ears and not at all. He had been relaxed a moment before, but suddenly his body tensed, and any sleepiness he felt was wiped away at the sound of Lambda's voice. Asbel forced himself to unclench his fist, trying to adjust to the sensation that Lambda's presence brought with him- dark, heavy, like an uncomfortable cloak draped too tightly over his shoulders. He forced himself to focus on the creature's words instead.

"You're sad," he whispered. "Aren't you?"

There was an uncomfortable silence, and Asbel wondered if Lambda would just ignore him. But then he felt a welling of anger, and a sharp bitterness that was like a slap against his cheek.

 _"What did you expect, human?"_ Lambda snapped. _"You may have taken everything away from me, but I do not need your pity."_

"It's not pity," Asbel insisted. He hesitated, then added, "I was... worried about you."

 _"As well you should be."_

"You know what I meant."

Lambda did- Asbel knew he did. There were only so many things you could hide from someone you shared a mind with.

"I'm not going to judge you or hurt you, Lambda," he insisted. "I just want to help."

The creature gave a short, bitter bark. _"How could you?"_ he said in a half-snarl that reminded Asbel all the more that for a thousand years, this was a monster of legend that had terrorized Ephinea. _"You took away my only purpose in this life, then told me I could not die. No matter how much I wished it."_

That stung. The idea that someone had nothing to look forward to but death- it reminded Asbel all the more of how Sophie had looked, before he stepped between her and Lambda. He had promised Lambda he'd show him a world worth living for, but even now, the creature didn't want to see; didn't want to take his hand and step away from the pain that had been his coccoon from the world.

"Do you still want to take over the Lastalia?" Back then, Lambda realized the futility of it all- how there would exist nothing but emptiness and loneliness if he continued down his path. That he would still be willing to do so again sounded like complete madness, but Asbel had to ask.

 _"What other choice do I have? To simply dwell within you, without a mind of my own? To be, but not exist?"_

"No!" Asbel blurted out a bit too loudly. He glanced around quickly, thankful that none of his friends had heard his outburst.

"No," he repeated in quieter tone. "I promised you a future, Lambda. One that will be full of life and happiness."

 _"Do you truly think there exists a future for one such as I?"_ he asked in a wintry tone, but there was something else there: a question left unasked. Did Asbel truly believe that it was possible for a creature who left destruction and sadness in his wake for all his life to be capable of change?

And there was the crux of the issue. Asbel hadn't really realized what it was that caused that overwhelming sorrow until Lambda put it into words- the inertia the creature had towards change of any sort; because change was a departure from all that he knew- even if all that he knew was hate and fear. Because change meant that all his struggles were for nothing, that everything he believed to be true- everything he had known in his entire life- was false.

No, that wasn't quite right- Lambda once knew a different truth, didn't he?

"We both know that's what you want," Asbel replied with certainty. He had to believe that- after all, that's why Lambda had stayed alive within him all these months, was it not? "That's why you're sad, isn't it? Because you don't know how to reach that future, or what it could possibly be. But I believe- I know- that it's possible. And I want to help you, Lambda-"

 _"You are delusional to think your help can 'save' me."_ Lambda snorted, cutting his train of thought short. _"You do not truly understand the weight of your burden, Asbel Lhant. And you, a mere human man, cannot stop the inevitable. I will win. I will always win."_

Asbel frowned. "Even though you don't want to?" he asked.

There was a silence, a conflict, as Lambda tried to come up with a response. The bitterness wavered- just a tiny bit- but it wasn't enough for a glimmer of hope to crack through. And with a sinking heart, Asbel realized that even though Lambda meant him no harm now, the creature was still very much just that: a creature, without reservations or kindness in his heart.

Lambda, satisfied that Asbel understood, simply sighed. _"Beware of your sympathy, Asbel Lhant,"_ he finally said. _"If you persist in your attempts to help me, it will simply be far easier for me to seize control. That has always been the way of things."_

Lambda's words rang ominously before falling completely silent. Asbel's posture relaxed, the tension he felt in Lambda's presence easing when the creature had faded away from his awareness. He had always known it would be difficult co-existing with Lambda, but he had hoped that their first, actual conversation would have been different.

He remembered still how Lambda had outright told him that his plan would never work, back in the core. He remembered how he wanted to believe that it would- because he could imagine that he could have turned out like Lambda, were it not for Sophie and Richard and the rest of his friends. That was why he had reached out when the weakened creature looked ready to sleep forever- why he had been so desperate.

And he remembered the little choke of surprise he had heard, when his fingers clasped tight over a small, fading hand.

How, in that moment, he had felt Lambda's relief, even if neither of them knew why.

That feeling, for the moment, seemed to have been forgotten- or perhaps it simply went unacknowledged by the creature; but not by Asbel.

He shifted in the bed, pulling his blanket over his shoulder, pushing those thoughts out of his head. They had a long day tomorrow, and for the moment, at least, Lambda still seemed inclined to help. He had other things to worry about too: about Sophie; about her sadness, about Lhant and whether it fared well in his absence.

But that didn't mean that Asbel was about to let it end just like that. Like Lambda had said in the core, this would be a battle of wills.

And Asbel was not willing to lose either his own, or his new-found companion's.


	2. Dreams

**Dreams**

 _"_ _I didn't say anything about you overcoming your pain alone, did I?"_

* * *

It was a dream. Asbel stared at his father's back- familiar and tall. Broad shoulders shielded his vision, and a man much larger in his memory stood before him with arms outstretched, protecting him. Then, his father let out a cry and collapsed from an unseen strike, and Asbel ran towards the fallen man. He found himself grabbing hold of those same broad shoulders, trying to turn his father's face to his own.

And in those moments of a dream, he remembered each crease and angle, each wrinkle and scar that made out Aston Lhant, as if it were yesterday and his memory of the man was not a blur. He was a child again, and as his father's familiar, giant hands clasped tightly onto his, the life faded out of blue eyes so much like his own.

 _"Protect... Lhant..."_ the man whispered, and before he could respond; before he could give voice to the feelings that welled up within him- Asbel woke.

The blank ceiling of the Yu Liberte inn greeted him when he opened his eyes. With a shake of his head, he got out of bed and moved to open the window to dispel the still, oppressive air that swamped the room. The cold, brisk Strahtan breeze brushed by his cheek as he pushed open the casement, tugging him back to reality. He let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding, tried once more to release the intense feelings seeing his father's face provoked. He wasn't there anymore, he told himself- wherever _there_ was. He was in Yu Liberte, having spent the day fighting the monsters at Duplemar. He was going back to the Amarcian Enclave tomorrow, where he would hopefully have some answer to give to Sophie; to help her.

But he felt just as useless as when he was a child, unable to protect her then; and unable to protect his father when Aston was struck down in defense of Lhant.

He never even watched Aston die; wasn't nearby to help, or to even ensure his father died in peace.

How awful, he thought, to dream of his father for all this time, when he didn't know- didn't _want_ to know- the details of how his father passed.

That dream had started when he first found out about his father's death, at first pulling at the guilt he felt. It had been most intense during the period when he was left wandering Windor with only Sophie as his companion, but had eased ever since he stepped into his father's role willingly, albeit uncertainly. Perhaps it was that uncertainty, coupled with the new-found threat from Fodra and the helplessness he felt towards Sophie's problems, that had triggered the dream's re-emergence.

But it was different now. Usually, Aston stared at him, eye-to-eye, one lord to another. And in his most recent dreams, his father had smiled at him before fading gently away; his words no longer sharp and cutting, but a treasured reminder of what he had been; a man that Asbel never had the chance to come to terms with.

The way this particular dream had happened was different, though. With a quiet realization, Asbel knew where he had seen it all before.

Sadly, Asbel wondered if Lambda had dreamed with him, too.

 _"I did not,"_ the creature said quietly in his mind. Asbel decided not question Lambda's denial; to ignore the way the other presence in his mind was just as subdued and disoriented as he was.

"Do you miss him?" he asked. He only had a glimpse of Lambda's memories, but he remembered Cornell; the human scientist that had shielded his companion at the cost of his life. Perhaps their shared loss was what triggered that dream, and unlike the previous times when he had been so harshly awakened, Asbel had someone else to talk to- someone who might understand; who grieved a father and the what-ifs that would always be left unanswered.

 _"It has been a millennium, Asbel Lhant,"_ Lambda said, his voice calm and resonant, betraying not an ounce of weakness. _"Feelings of bygone memories do not linger that long."_

"That's not true," Asbel murmured as he leaned against the cool stone ledge, staring out into the city below. He could still feel Aston's hand over his, could feel the dull ache in his heart as he recalled his father's voice and a face he could no longer remember.

 _"You cannot compare what has occurred in your puny lifespan to what has occurred in mine."_

Asbel frowned. "But you remember Cornell, after all these years," he said. "Even after you've forgotten most of Fodra."

There was a sharp pause, a sudden stillness. And Asbel flinched from the sudden weight that pressed in on him.

 _"Do not presume to understand me, human,"_ the creature said- though not as sharply as Asbel anticipated. _"Do not confuse your regret for mine."_

"Because you don't have any," Asbel stated more than asked.

 _"Regret is pointless,"_ Lambda said. _"It will never bring your father back, and try as you might, you will never be able to overcome the sadness that his death has inflicted upon you."_

"Ouch," Asbel winced. Despite knowing that Lambda was trying his best to push his buttons, that particular one had _hurt._ He forced a smile, and tried not to think about staring into his father's too-blue eyes.

 _"You, too, reject your sadness,"_ Lambda said somewhat triumphantly. _"Hypocrite."_

"That's not true," Asbel replied.

 _"Is it not? You push those memories away. You try to forget."_

"I can never forget." Asbel rested his arms on the ledge, peered into Yu Liberte below. "And I'm not trying to. I will always regret not being able to patch things up with Dad. If I hadn't been so stubborn, he might still be alive. And maybe we could... be as a son and father should."

He sighed, glad that the chill kept him rooted in reality instead of his daydreams. "But you're right. He's not coming back, and nothing I can do will ever stop me from missing him. I'll never know if he would have forgiven me for abandoning him and Lhant, or if what I'm doing now will ever make up for all the mistakes I've made."

 _"So you choose to hide your sadness with a facade of strength."_

"That's not it either." He fingered his shirt cuffs as he tried to figure out what it was he wanted to say. "I'm not... denying my regrets. But I won't let them pull me down. If anything, they're the reasons why I want to be the best Lord of Lhant that I can be."

The silence stretched on for a while, but Asbel didn't mind. Until he had given voice to those words, he hadn't really... understood why it was that the dream kept haunting him after all this time. There were so many things he wished he could fix between him and his father, and perhaps it was a way for him to come to terms with who he was, and why he was the Lord of Lhant.

"My dad... reminds me why I'm weak." He smiled then, head tilted up towards the night sky. "And why I have to become stronger."

 _"Is that so."_ Lambda seemed to be considering what he was saying, though with the creature, it was hard to tell.

Asbel decided to seize his chance- the only one that his companion would afford him. "I'm sure after how things ended with Cornell, you weren't sure you could trust anyone else." He wondered if he was over-stepping his bounds, but he continued, "Still, he protected you, in the end. And to forget him would be to forget everything he did for you.

"So... don't avert your eyes to your pain, Lambda," Asbel murmured. "It's there. I can feel it, just as well as you can."

Lambda hesitated.

 _"You once offered to help me overcome my pain,"_ the creature said quietly, with no fire behind his words. And Asbel knew, somewhere in that darkness, there was someone who was hesitating, who wanted to reach out to him, yet was afraid to do so. _"Is that still what you intend to do?"_

"Yes," he replied resolutely. He glanced at his hand, which had been recently wreathed in Lambda's fire. The creature's flames had given him the strength to protect everyone around him, and he wanted nothing more than to help Lambda. "Just like you've helped me."

 _"Thus far."_ Lambda paused, deep in thought. _"How do you intend to help me when you cannot even help Protos Heis? You are but a man, powerless if not for me."_

Asbel sighed deeply. Of _course_ Lambda would use that card; he knew Asbel had not a clue how to alleviate Sophie's sorrow. But talking to Lambda- trying to reach Lambda- had given him an idea, half-baked though it was. "I-I guess... I'll be there for you, just as I'll be there for her. Both of you were alone for so long, and the only thing I can do- the only thing I _want_ to do is to give you both something to hold on to. Just like Cornell would have wanted for you, and what I hope my Dad would have wanted for me."

 _"Your simplistic naivete is remarkable, as always,"_ Lambda snorted, but Asbel smiled.

"Maybe so, but- ever since we've started talking, you've felt less miserable, right?"

Lambda made a sound- something like a mix between a gasp and a choke. Stunned that Asbel had noticed something the creature had been trying to hide, he had trouble stringing a coherent sentence together.

 _"Do not read too much into it, Asbel Lhant,"_ Lambda finally snapped as hastily as he could, trying to recover some of his former belligerence.

"I won't," Asbel promised. "But Lambda?" he asked, catching his companion's attention before he fled.

The creature snarled. _"What is it?"_ he asked darkly.

"Thank you."

Lambda muttered something jumbled before he disappeared, leaving Asbel alone with his thoughts.

The Lord of Lhant couldn't help but chuckle. Despite everything Lambda said, despite everything he had felt when he had been awakened so suddenly, Asbel found himself at ease. He knew what it was he could do to help Sophie, no matter how minuscule it was.

Aston Lhant had once disapproved of him taking Sophie under his wing, but Asbel was sure that his father would have agreed to his idea now.

After all, he was a father too.


	3. Games

**Games**

 _"_ _It's true I don't know my own thoughts very well. But to be honest, you're doing an even worse job then me this time."_

* * *

It was nostalgic to be back on the road.

That wasn't to say that he had felt restricted in Lhant, but Asbel had been trained to be a knight before he became a Lord, and he had missed this- the sound of his friends by his side, the earthy sensation of the ground under his feet; the way he felt at ease on the road, with the worries of civilization being a footnote in his thoughts.

He sighed contentedly as he finished polishing his sword, sliding the blade back into its sheath. Nearby, he could hear the crackling sound of the campfire mixed in with the snores of his companions. He had taken the first watch tonight, and while it was quiet, it wasn't... lonely. Not when he knew that they were right there, depending on him to keep them safe.

But, Asbel thought with a faint smile as he scanned the clearing, he was a _tad_ bit bored.

 _"Is it not the purpose of a sentry to pay attention to his surroundings?"_ Lambda chided him with a derisive snort. The creature was always there, and while at first it had taken him some time to get used to having someone with him _constantly,_ especially someone who was once his enemy, Asbel no longer felt the tinge of surprise every time Lambda spoke. And on days like this, he almost found it... comforting.

"I am paying attention!" Asbel yelped hastily. With a faint smile, he added, "Besides, you'd sense it if something was wrong." Ever since Lambda had awakened, the creature had become almost like a second set of eyes, although his companion seemed to sense things through their eleth rather than pure vision. Still, it was a useful ability, and one that Asbel was grateful for.

 _"So you would choose to depend on my power instead of your own, if it fits you?"_ Lambda seemed miffed at the idea.

"Of course not." The swordsman rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to slack off just because you're helping me. But you'd tell me if I missed anything, wouldn't you?"

 _"There is no purpose for me in performing your mundane chores,"_ the creature replied. _"Yet you know I have little choice in the matter."_

Asbel smiled slightly. "How about a game to pass the time, then?"

 _"A... game?"_ Lambda's astonishment dripped with scorn. _"Is your task so trivial that you choose to amuse yourself this way?"_

"Who says a task can't be a game?" Asbel glanced around. "Richard said you enjoyed playing I-Spy."

 _"You know as well as I that those words were a lie. I never had the convenience of whiling my time away with mindless games, nor do I wish to."_

The redhead shrugged. "If you haven't tried it, how would you know? Besides," he added, stretching his arms, "it's not like we have anything else to do."

He could sense Lambda's irritation at the whimsical request, but at the same time, there was a morbid curiosity that prompted the creature to answer, _"Fine."_

Asbel grinned. Scanning around the camp site, he began, "I see something red."

 _"The fire."_

"You didn't even take a minute!"

 _"I dwell in your mind, Asbel Lhant. I see what you see, know what paltry thoughts flit through your consciousness. I told you this would be an ineffectual use of your time."_

Asbel frowned and tried his best not to pout. "Something purple?"

 _"Protos Heis."_

"You could _try_ not to peek in my head," Asbel muttered.

 _"Just because you cannot see into my thoughts due to your incompetence? Besides that, there is only a singular object in your view that could possibly be considered purple."_ There was no disguising the triumph in Lambda's voice; and if he poked deeper, Asbel could almost detect something akin to amusement.

"Something green, then!" the redhead said, folding his arms.

 _"That leaf by your shoe."_

"You peeked, didn't you?"

 _"Do you truly expect me to sift through every blade of grass to attain your answer?"_ Lambda retorted. _"We are in a forest, Asbel Lhant. Do not make this more tedious than it needs to be."_

Asbel grimaced. Yet, despite it all, he _was_ enjoying this: seeing this side of Lambda, enjoying the conversation that was not filled with threats of this creature taking over his body; not filled with the hostility that so often held the creature back and kept him on his guard.

"Why don't you try?" he suggested. "After all, I can't see that clearly into your mind."

There was a moment of silence, and briefly, Asbel wondered if he had driven his companion away. Then, quietly, Lambda answered, _"Very well. Look around, Asbel Lhant. I can see only what you can see."_

So, Asbel looked. He could sense the creature's thoughts work hard as he tried to find the most perplexing object within the vicinity.

But as he tilted his gaze upward, the redhead felt a jolt, a shiver down his spine. A peculiar panic filled his heart, and following that, Asbel understood why.

"That's Fodra," he said quietly.

The distant planet hung, omnipresent; a dull red orb in the sky. It looked so lonely, even this far off in the distance, with nary a trace of life upon its surface. But contrasted with the deep blue of the night sky, with the stars floating all around, it was strangely beautiful; strangely nostalgic.

And Asbel realized that it was Lambda whose thoughts were wrapped up in wonder, who stared up at the distant planet with faint longing.

"Have you never... looked at the night sky?" It seemed an absurd question to ask, but...

 _"I have."_ Somehow, Lambda's rebuke wasn't as sharp as he would have imagined it to be. Sensing his question, the creature hesitated briefly before clarifying, _"I have never had the chance to do so undisturbed."_

Asbel felt a pang of sadness. He wondered how it must have been like, to focus so solely on survival that everything else around him lost their color and their light. Briefly, he glanced back at the camp fire, at his friends ringed around the clearing under his watch.

"It must have been lonely," he murmured. Always on the run, never having the chance to rest. There was a time when he had experienced something similar; when he had been kicked out of Lhant with assassins at his heels, but even then, he had Sophie, and that period had not lasted long once he had met up with Richard.

Unlike the lifetime that Lambda had spent struggling to survive.

 _"I would not know,"_ Lambda replied. If he caught on to Asbel's thoughts, he did not show it.

"Things are different now," the swordsman said softly. "I'll make sure they are. You can look at Fodra, or the night sky, or anything as long as you want."

Lambda did not respond. There was no anger, no scoffs, no feelings or words. And with a faint wistfulness, Asbel realized that the creature was right when he had said that he could hide his thoughts much better than Asbel ever could.

But if nothing else, living with Lambda, _seeing_ with Lambda had been an experience that Asbel was slowly being accustomed to. He had started relying more and more on the creature, and he had thought that perhaps his companion was starting to do the same, as if their continued co-existence was finally starting to reach some manner of common ground.

And it felt sad to remind himself that Lambda wasn't human, and quite possibly not even his ally- because sometimes Asbel could sense a similarity between them, a bond; a sense of mutual respect and trust, a feeling of what _could_ be. And he wanted to reject Lambda's assertion that they would never be anything more than enemies; that he would end up as his companion's latest victim.

 _"I spy something yellow."_

His head shot up at the sudden sound, and it took the swordsman a moment to realize that it had been Lambda who spoke, softly, into the quiet night.

 _"We are continuing this game, are we not?"_ The words did not falter, and Lambda sounded merely irritated; nothing more. He seemed not to have been affected by Asbel's melancholy, or if he did, he betrayed nothing.

And Asbel knew that while they were still uncertain where they stood in regards to one another, there was a sense of camaraderie that anchored them to one another.

With a smile, Asbel replied, "We are."


	4. Sanctuary

**Sanctuary**

 _"So if we join forces and work together, we can accomplish anything. I truly believe that."_

* * *

It was on Fourier's advice that the group decided to spend a few weeks preparing for their trip to Fodra. Eventually, they had wound back in Lhant- where Asbel was somehow deluged with paperwork that had piled up in his absence. Given the amount of work he was behind time on and all the preparation he still had to do, the Lord of Lhant had found himself cooped up in his study for most of the day, working his way through the huge pile of documents that had begun to gather dust on his desk.

Thus, he was quite surprised when, late into the night, he felt the entire world around him freeze, and a low voice speak.

 _"This is folly."_

Asbel paused at the interruption. It had been hours since dinner, and he was almost grateful for Lambda's presence breaking the silence, if not for the terse edge in the creature's words.

"Hello, Lambda," he said, tilting his head slightly upwards even though there was nobody there. "What brings you here?"

Unperturbed by his nonchalance, the creature continued, _"Do you truly intend to die?"_

Asbel frowned. The sentience gave him no explanation, but he could tell that the creature was entirely serious- and distressed.

 _"The issues that plague Ephinea- you wish to venture to Fodra to stop it."_

It dawned on him what Lambda was talking about. "You think we can't handle Fodra," Asbel concluded, folding his arms.

 _"I am not the only one,"_ Lambda muttered. _"Deep down, you are aware of the possibility of your defeat, even as you choose to avert your eyes from that knowledge. The monsters we face on Fodra will likely be even stronger than the ones here. Our abilities will be pushed to the limit and I cannot guarantee your survival, should you go."_

It was true- the possibility of death was there. To say he wasn't worried about it at all was a lie. But Asbel was a warrior- and he knew thinking about whether he would die in the next battle would only end up crippling him. To survive, he needed to be on form. And to protect everyone, it was something he had chosen to put out of his thoughts.

 _"You deceive yourself,"_ Lambda snarled then.

"I'm not," Asbel said quietly, turning his attention back to his work. He had twenty-three reports to work through, several edicts to draft, and at least ten letters to send out before they left for Fodra. He hoped his steadfast assurance would be enough for his companion.

But it seemed Lambda would have none of that.

 _"_ _ **Listen**_ _to me, Asbel Lhant!"_ the creature yelled within his mind. All of a sudden, Asbel found himself unable to move and, startled, he realized just how easily Lambda could destroy him just there and then. However, the sentience was so interested in grabbing his attention that he didn't notice the quick flicker of anxiety that ran through his host. _"You know nothing of the threat that awaits you. You know not the danger you are placing yourself in-"_

"And would you have me run away?" Asbel breathed softly, carefully putting down his pen as Lambda released him. It was the first time he had ever felt Lambda exert his hold over him- and the first time he had heard the creature so worked up- _concerned,_ even.

Lambda seemed surprised by his response- or perhaps lack thereof. He waited a beat before he replied, the full weight of his presence behind his answer: _"Yes."_

His voice was heavy, but it lacked its usual edge. This was the first time he had seen Lambda act without calculation or forethought; the first time the creature's facade wavered.

With a deep breath, Asbel quashed his fear and turned his full attention to his companion. "If we run, those same creatures will keep spawning and influencing Ephinea," the swordsman pointed out. "Eventually, there will be nowhere else for us _to_ run."

 _"I can handle those creatures,"_ Lambda said. _"Have I not proven that to you? Trust in my power, Asbel Lhant, and they will not harm you. I can save you. I can give you your life."_

"And what of everyone else?" Asbel stared out of the window- out at Lhant, stretched before him. "What of my country, my friends, my family? Would you have me surrender myself to you, so that we can live on, in Ephinea's core, away from all of this?" He swept his hand at the view.

Lambda hesitated.

Asbel smiled sadly. "Would you have me live on, all alone?"

 _"You would be alive."_ He could sense Lambda's confusion, and his chagrin.

"You don't understand, do you?" Asbel dipped his head, exhausted. "After all this time, I thought-"

 _"Is not your life of value?"_ Lambda snapped. _"You told me not to die, yet you seem far too eager to throw yours away!"_

Asbel blinked then. Somehow, the words seemed to echo what he had felt, once, when Sophie had tried to sacrifice herself for the sake of Ephinea. And for a moment, he imagined Lambda felt the same as he did back then: angry at his helplessness, and the terrible fear of losing someone he cared dearly about.

But this was different. Asbel didn't _intend_ to die, but Lambda didn't understand. How could he, when all his companion had ever known was outrunning death? When the last time he _cared_ for someone, he had to watch as his heart was destroyed in front of him? When, to him, Asbel was about to do something equally as foolish and incomprehensible, to throw his life away for immutable things and reasons that could not easily be quantified?

How could Asbel explain all of that to a creature who never even lived?

 _"I have lived far longer than you could comprehend-"_

"It's not living when you're just alive."

 _"That is illogical."_

He sighed, leaning back against the broad-backed chair. "If I were to live without everyone- my life would be empty, Lambda. There would be no meaning; no purpose."

 _"You will die,"_ Lambda said bleakly. _"if you choose this path."_

"I would die if I listened to you," Asbel retorted as gently as he could.

 _"I am trying to keep your puny host body alive!"_

"I know." He smiled sadly, and he felt Lambda's anger quell in the face of his acceptance. "But rest assured, I'm not going to throw my life away. I have too many things I want to live for."

 _"I do not understand where your faith in your survival comes from."_ Lambda didn't seem hostile at all- just confused. As if he was actually listening to what Asbel was trying to say. As if, for once, the creature had stopped pretending that he didn't care.

And how desperately Asbel wished that he could get Lambda to understand. Because as much as the creature grumbled and griped, Asbel had grown to rely and trust on Lambda- and he could no longer view his companion as merely an enemy, or merely an ally.

Then it dawned on him that perhaps, Lambda already was capable of understanding. His words, his actions up till now- they pointed to a reason beyond simply protecting his host body: if he really wished it, Lambda could have taken over Asbel by now and forced him not to go. But he hadn't; didn't.

And Asbel finally realized why it was so, even if Lambda didn't.

 _"Explain."_

"You said that I would live if I trusted you." The redhead chewed his lip. "That you alone can keep me safe."

 _"Yes."_

"That's... not true, Lambda."

 _"What?"_

Asbel chuckled. "I wasn't alone when I fought you. And we aren't alone now."

He could sense the gears working in the creature's head; could feel Lambda's suspicion. _"You believe the strength of your human... friends will protect you?"_

"I have to," Asbel answered. "Just as I believe that I can protect them. Just like you believe that you can protect me."

The creature paused, caught off-guard at the sudden insight that had occurred to him. _"You trust them. "_

Asbel grinned, relieved. "Almost as much as I trust you."

 _"Do not patronize me."_ As much as Lambda tried to hide it, the words came off as a little too sharp to be convincing, but Asbel wasn't about to strike at the creature's sore pride.

"I'm not." The swordsman relaxed. He could sense that Lambda wasn't about to push the matter further- and with a small smile, he realized that the turmoil that had dogged the creature the entire night had subsided somewhat. Perhaps, against the odds, Lambda understood.

 _"I do not,"_ Lambda muttered. _"But I see now that you will not be dissuaded. Perhaps, it is as you say. Perhaps it is not entirely hopeless."_

"I'm glad," Asbel admitted, "that at least you aren't going to take over my body and force me to stay."

 _"What makes you think I won't?"_

"Because I trust you." Asbel said simply, turning back to his work.

Lambda snorted. _"That's because you're a fool."_

Somehow, though, the words felt a lot brighter than Asbel was used to. Less hostile and domineering; affectionate, even.

And with a grin, he picked up his pen once more. There was a lot of work to be done, but he was sure that with Lambda helping him, everything would be okay.


	5. Deviation

_(This chapter references one of Conversation's chapters, but I tried to write it so that the latter doesn't actually need to be read to continue the story. It just felt unnatural to not reference Conversation at all since this one_ is _a companion fic, and it was quite a big chapter in Conversations...)_

* * *

 **Deviation  
**

 _"Is continuing with that cycle what you want to do with your life?"_

* * *

Lambda had attacked Sophie.

Asbel hadn't expected it- hadn't felt or sensed anything amiss when he went to check up on the girl after their encounter with the Little Queens in the Arcadian Garden. Truth be told, he was too caught up in his own concern for Sophie that he had failed to notice how silent the creature had been. Lambda had not said anything since he had saved them from the Little Queens' attack, and at first Asbel had been relieved: he had more than enough on his plate, and the welfare of his daughter was always foremost in his thoughts, especially given how the past few months had been going.

He had seen it, of course- Sophie was becoming more and more withdrawn, lost within her own sorrow, despite everything he had tried to do. She had kept to herself ever since they boarded the airship, which was in tune with how distant she had become. And now she seemed so lost, sorrowful and scared. It was his duty to help her- and his heart wanted nothing more than to break the melancholy that seemed to consume her so. She had almost left with the Queens, and Asbel knew he had to do something- anything- to try to assuage her despair and protect Sophie from leaving with them. He knew, deep down, what they offered was not what the girl wanted.

So, he had approached her, called her name and reached out-

And then, in a split-second, he had felt everything go so terribly wrong.

A sudden surge of hatred had rushed through his thoughts when he touched Sophie's shoulder; a brief agony that disrupted his senses and left him numb. He had pulled away as fast as he could, tried to stem the panic that had wrapped itself around him. He had covered his left eye, a knee-jerk reaction to block Lambda- ineffectual, but he had to do _something_. Even though he had no idea what had happened; what the creature had done.

But when he opened his eyes, Sophie was okay, and it was only later that he realized what it was that the creature had tried to do. Lambda had tried to attack his nemesis to destroy her, yet he had left her unharmed. The girl was insistent that he had not harmed her- that he had spoken to her and left, didn't _want_ to harm her. That he hadn't acted because he was influenced by the Little Queens, or his hatred for her, or anything vaguely resembling reason.

Why he had attacked was as much a puzzle to her as it was to Asbel.

And Lambda- Lambda had disappeared from his thoughts, and for the first time in months, Asbel found himself entirely alone.

He didn't want to leave Sophie to herself, not after everything she had been through. But she had insisted- hesitantly, she admitted she was worried for the creature in his mind. And while the sadness in her eyes had yet to fade, Asbel knew that he had to find Lambda.

He had attacked Sophie, had done something that even Asbel couldn't simply let slide.

He closed his eyes, unnerved by how quiet his mind was. Usually, Lambda was there- his presence humming in the background, whispers of his thoughts flickering through their shared subconscious. For months, it had been a rhythm he had grown used to, almost like the sound of his own breathing. But now, it was as if every trace of the creature had been wiped clean from Asbel's mind.

Almost.

There was the faintest thread of sadness that lingered in the mix of Asbel's anxiousness; a feeling that he felt even though it was not his own.

Asbel was not sure what to expect- would Lambda attack him, just as he had attacked Sophie? What did he intend to do, intend to say when he found the creature?

Over the past few months, there had been an easy camaraderie that had been growing between the two of them. He had grown used to hearing Lambda's snarky remarks every now and then, gotten used to the pulse of his power as the creature fought alongside him, enjoyed the companionship of someone else by his side. So much so that he had forgotten that their co-existence was a delicate balancing act; one that had now been ruined entirely by Lambda's actions.

And the anger he held was because Lambda not only attacked Sophie, but he had thrown away everything they had accomplished; betrayed Asbel's trust. And that thought overwrote any caution that Asbel might have had. Delving deep into his subconscious, he followed the sadness, tried to imagine following it to its core-

And in a distant corner of their shared mind space, Lambda was there. Gone was the faint purple hues that Asbel had grown so used to seeing: a dark orb of malicious red swirled in the pool of their shared thoughts, with no pretense of what the creature truly was- monster, traitor, a blight on the land that spawned him.

"Lambda!" He spat out the name like a curse, unable to contain the fury that pounded in his heart.

He felt the world shudder from the creature's surprise. And as Lambda turned his attention on him, he could feel the tumult of emotions that swirled beneath the creature's thoughts. Pain and fear, anger and hatred- all of the things that Lambda _was._

And a deep, cutting sadness that felt like it could drown the world.

 _"So, you finally understand,"_ came Lambda's voice. But it wasn't dark and heavy like Asbel was used to- it was faint, a ghostly whisper in their shared mind space. An acknowledgement; an understanding.

It gave the swordsman pause.

 _"You hate me."_ Lambda chuckled bitterly. _"As well you should."_ The words echoed what he had said the first time they had spoken in Velanik, all those months ago. A reminder of what Asbel had said then- and what he felt now.

Asbel found himself hesitating- his instinct told him something wasn't right here. But Lambda's betrayal cut deep, and any reserve he once felt had evaporated in the heat of anger. Throwing everything he had behind his words, he shouted at the creature, "Why, Lambda?"

 _"You know why."_ The answer came quietly. _"This is... who I am."_

Asbel shook his head. The words he wanted to say were tangled up inside of him, messed up by feelings he couldn't quite put a word to- there was anger and betrayal, yes, but there was something else. And as much as he wished he could get Lambda to see all the pain he had caused, make him repent, make him hurt just as much as Asbel hurt, there was something _else._

 _"I warned you not to trust me, Asbel Lhant,"_ Lambda said. His voice was stronger now, but it wasn't the voice that Asbel had grown so used to hearing. There was something missing, something _wrong. "I told you that I cannot change. But you never listened."_

Clenching his fist, he forced himself to speak. "So everything we did together- all that time spent together- were they just figments of my imagination?" He could not imagine that everything was already set in stone: that Lambda couldn't be saved, that he would inevitably be taken over by this creature that he had thought he _understood._ "Everything that's happened- everything that we've been through, Lambda- you're still... the same? I- I have no choice, but to be your enemy?"

 _"Yes,"_ Lambda whispered softly.

And as Asbel stared at the orb, he had the faintest feeling the creature had more to say, but there was a reluctance; something holding him back from explaining his reasons.

And there was a pressure in the swordsman's heart, a pressure that was getting heavier second by second, and even though Lambda could see everything that he was- everything that he felt- the creature did not respond.

Channeling all the grief, all the disbelief, all the _anger_ in his heart, Asbel roared, "Why?"

At first, Lambda did not respond. The orb pulsated silently, neither growing nor fading away.

And quietly, Lambda breathed, _"I am... tired, Asbel. Will you finally let me sleep?"_

It was as if Asbel had been struck again. But the sincerity in Lambda's voice stopped the fury that overloaded his thoughts, and as the words sank in, Asbel paused. A shiver of worry and fear spiked through him as he recalled where he had heard those words before- and what they meant.

Because not all was at it seemed. And while the balance between them had tilted, it was in neither of their favors.

And with a sinking heart, Asbel realized how close he had been to driving the creature away for good.

Heartbreak, despair- Lambda had felt them before, had felt them ever since he had lost to the swordsman back in Ephinea's core. But they had dimmed and faded over time, and the creature had allowed himself to hope- allowed himself to be imagine he could be something other than what he was- because Asbel believed, because Asbel was there by his side- a companion, an ally-

But now Asbel hated him for what he had done; and Lambda knew all too well that hate destroyed and consumed until there was nothing left. And he had inspired such feelings within the man who had wanted to help him; just like he always knew he would.

With a dry throat, Asbel remembered the relief he had felt, when Lambda had helped them; when Lambda had saved them. Because it had been a feeling that wasn't solely his own.

His anger dissipated like smoke, replaced by a horrible feeling in his gut. The orb was waiting for his response, watching his thoughts. He _knew_ the true depth of his actions, _understood_ the pain he had caused his human host. And he wanted... he _wanted..._

... something that he could never have. Something that he could never be put to words.

And the feeling that clung to Lambda so was one that Asbel keenly understood: a deep, despairing sensation of futility; hopelessness. But Asbel had fought that feeling, had a reason to fight it, had a world and family to protect. But Lambda...

Quietly, Asbel asked, "Why did you attack Sophie, Lambda? Why did you throw everything we had away?"

He wondered if the creature would respond, or if he would simply disappear- from his thoughts, from his life. Because the Lambda in the core had nothing to live for- and the Lambda now was certain that he never would. And he was too far from him now- too far for the swordsman to reach.

But Asbel couldn't let that happen. Determination hardened around him as he strode towards the orb, as he let his anxiety and anger fall to the side.

 _"Does it matter?"_ Lambda's surprise was the first thing that didn't feel quite so hopeless from the creature. _"After all that I've done, do you not wish me gone from your life?"_

"I don't- I don't hate you, Lambda." That was the truth. Despite everything the creature did, everything the creature was- Asbel couldn't find it in himself to _hate_ Lambda; not now. "Even though you attacked Sophie, you didn't hurt her. And... you saved us, back there, against the Little Queens."

 _"I... see."_ There was the faintest semblance of a sigh that echoed through the mind space, and he could feel the fog of despair break, ever so slightly. Asbel released a breath he had not know he was holding. He wasn't sure if his companion was aware of it, but slowly, the black-red hues of his form slowly seemed to lighten, as if some mental burden had been lifted from the creature's mind. Just as the fear of a creature he had not understood as well as he thought finally disappeared from his own.

 _"Protos Heis- I believed she would betray you,"_ Lambda murmured. _"I knew you would not recover from such a betrayal, had it occurred, and Fodra would have destroyed all of us. I could not let that happen."_

"But you stopped."

 _"She... loves you."_ The word sounded strange, coming from Lambda; almost wistful. _"As much as you her."_

And Asbel felt his heart break for the creature that hadn't wanted to hurt him; a creature that didn't understand his own heart.

 _"I have not changed,"_ Lambda repeated then. _"I... cannot."_

Not because he was incapable, but because changing would open himself up to being hurt, to being vulnerable. Because he was already changing, and Asbel's anger had hurt him, just as much as the creature's betrayal had hurt the human.

And as much as Asbel wished he could deny Lambda's wishes, as much as he wanted to tell him that _he_ was there, he could sense how shaken the creature had been from their whole ordeal. This wasn't time; Lambda wasn't ready. And frankly, perhaps Asbel wasn't either.

 _"Hosting me will end all that you are,"_ Lambda softly reminded him.

Asbel watched the glowing orb before him, felt the sad undercurrent that he had always identified but tried to ignore. He remembered the fear Lambda inspired in him, the anger; and he remembered all that they had spent the past few months trying to achieve. He shook his head.

"Don't sleep yet, Lambda," he whispered. "Please."

There was a tremor of shock at his words. Asbel felt a small bubble of hope in the depths of his subconscious, and he knew Lambda would be alright, for now.

With the best semblance of a smile, he turned. And as he left, he could feel Lambda's eyes on him the entire time.

In the darkness of his heart, he felt the creature whisper words that were never meant to be heard, a wavering voice that he knew he had to ignore.

 _"You... fool."_

And as he returned to his consciousness, returned back to where he could count the beatings of his still-fast heart, Asbel knew that, while they weren't quite there yet, both he and Lambda were finally moving, together, in the right direction.


	6. Acceptance

**Acceptance**

 _"_ _It doesn't matter who reaches out. What matters is that the other accepts."_

* * *

When Lambda took control, there was a split second from when Asbel _was_ \- tired from battle, his body aching, his limbs weary- to when he _wasn't_. He had only a moment to react when the Fodra Queen approached the core, realizing that the moment had come. Without hesitation, he flung out his arms and reached for the creature within his mind.

"Lambda! Now!"

His world disappeared around him, his body wrenched fluidly from his control as Lambda shoved him under without a second thought. He had barely a moment to register the exchange before his consciousness was forced aside.

Despite Lambda's best efforts, he could feel the heat of Fodra's eleth just glancing off his skin, the raging current of her heart flowing through him. His companion shielded him, pushed him as far as he could, but Fodra's rushing thoughts started to pierce through the swordsman's mind, stinging and burning like a furious flame. Asbel knew that he had to let go- release himself from his world, his reality, of everything that he was, and trust everything to Lambda, like he had said he would. It was difficult, but in the inferno that surrounded him, he felt Lambda give a reassuring nod.

And with a deep breath, Asbel Lhant closed his eyes. He felt the loud cry of Fodra's memories washing over him, felt Lambda focus his efforts to stop the planet's fury. And then- nothing.

He fell into an interminable darkness. Time seemed to stretch on for an eternity, and briefly, the swordsman wondered if the creature he had trusted had ultimately betrayed him; had taken his body and his world like he had always promised. He wondered if he would be trapped here forever; trapped in the silence and _nothingness_ and be left to wither away in oblivion.

He had given Lambda everything he could ever want, and were he the same monster he had fought in Ephinea's core, he would not hesitate to destory everything that Asbel loved.

But Lambda was no longer that creature. He had let Asbel in, had learned and grown and yearned for something different; had willingly protected Asbel before and _cared_ dearly about the swordsman who was his host. Had sat with him in the lonely nights by the campfire, had watched him train, had listened to Asbel's thoughts, had lent his host his power; to do what the swordsman alone could not accomplish. Had stood up to Fodra, despite begging Asbel not to go through with his reckless plan.

And despite all rational thought, Asbel clung to those memories. He had always believed in his friends; and Lambda _was_ his friend, wasn't he? After everything they had been through, after all these months with the creature and him living together, _changing_ together, Asbel knew the answer.

 _Yes,_ he told himself. _I trust Lambda. I will believe in him._

In the lull of his mind, he heard something- a noise that interrupted the monotone silence. At first it was faint, like an echo far off in the distance. He could scarcely make out the words, but eventually he realized that it was someone calling out, panicked; distressed.

A thought that wasn't his passed through his consciousness, filled with a terrible fear _._ Even in the monotony that surrounded him and lulled him to oblivion, Asbel identified the feeling in an instant. It was an echo of the pain that Asbel carried within him, the pain that was rooted deep in his core, that defined him. He felt it clearly now, and he clung to that feeling with all his might- the only break in the emptiness all around him. It resonated within him, pulling him through the darkness-

And suddenly he was aware of a weight against his chest, a strangled cry as someone pulled at him-

 _"Asbel! Wake up!"_

His eyes flung open. The swordsman wasn't sure what it was he expected, but he certainly didn't expect to find himself floating in a boundless pool of water, a teal-haired child by his side, clutching desperately at his hand with cool metal fingers that betrayed their origin.

"Lambda?" The word came out like a strangled choke, but he saw recognition in the red eyes of the unfamiliar child, along with the strangest sensation of relief.

The boy before him closed his eyes, took a moment to compose himself. _"You... were asleep,"_ he said. Then, with the tiniest of trembles in his voice, he added: _"You would not wake."_

Asbel found himself staring at the creature's hands. They were tiny, barely capable of encompassing one of his with the both of them. But they gripped him tightly- as if... afraid that he would slip out of their grasp.

Gently, he slid his free hand over Lambda's. The action garnered a look of shocked surprise from the humanoid child before him, and Asbel was all-too-aware of how vulnerable, how shaken, his companion was.

"I'm here," he said, smiling gently. "I'm fine."

Red eyes watched him then, before they faltered and glanced aside.

Asbel breathed softly, accepting the rejection as he had always done-

And suddenly there was a weight thrown against him. Lambda wrapped his arms tight around him, the composure that creature always carried- the stiff, overbearing nightmare that dragged darkness around him- finally breaking with a heaving sob. He felt the boy in his arms tremble as he finally cried again after a thousand years- as he finally acknowledged all he had lost; all he had _almost_ lost again.

 _"I was afraid,"_ Lambda admitted then. _"I thought that perhaps I was wrong; that I was not able-"_ He shuddered. _"I believed you were lost."_

Asbel wasn't sure what to do or what to say. It was so uncharacteristic of his companion, but it _was_ Lambda. Here- now- the child that had always been there; the boy that he had always tried to reach, that had responded an age ago, when he first grabbed the creature's hand. The boy that had always been hidden from view, finally without his guards up. And even though everything around him was only real in their shared mind-space, even though Lambda wasn't even _human,_ the way he was- the way he acted- confirmed what Asbel had known all along.

The being that cried so desperately against his chest was never a monster or a soulless creature- Lambda was as 'human' as he was, in soul, if not in body. He was a child once raised with kindness; a lost boy without a friend.

With a smile, he wrapped his arms around the boy's tiny shoulders, responding to the words that were never voiced. He hoped that his presence _here_ and _now_ would finally drive away the misery that had almost destroyed them both and everything around them. It was a sadness that Asbel felt just as keenly, that had called him back to his consciousness: the grief of losing a father; of losing himself; the task of picking up the pieces and pulling everything together again, not quite whole but no longer broken- and the relief and salvation that he had found in someone who _understood._

And Asbel understood the feelings that Lambda had carried all this time, had carried all alone because nobody else could help him; not until he met Asbel- Asbel who had endured and learned, who could _save_ him even though he had not wanted to be saved. And it was now that his friend finally acknowledged that; finally acknowledged that someone else could help him- that someone else already _had._

And Lambda had saved Asbel and his world, just as he had saved Lambda's and his.

Of course the creature would be distraught- he had bottled up all his feelings, good and bad, inside of him for a thousand years. And only now- after he had saved the world, after he had saved his _friend_ \- did it all finally hit him.

He held Lambda until the crying subsided, and the boy wordlessly, hesitantly pulled away.

"Better?" Asbel asked then.

 _"We will not speak of this,"_ Lambda muttered softly, averting his eyes as his cheeks coloured- yet another human reaction that Asbel was sure his friend was unconscious of doing. _"Ever. Again."_

Asbel chuckled, shaking his head. Despite Lambda's belligerence, he could sense the gentle sensation of peace that emanated from his companion- a sensation he was unused to; that filled him with warmth and comfort. There had been a change in his friend, a change he was sure would only be for the better.

Lambda glanced at him, studied him. Though there were no more tears to be shed, there was a vulnerability in the boy that seemed so out of place with the creature he had come to know in his mind. _"You trusted me. You truly trusted me."_

"And I would do so again," Asbel answered without hesitation.

There was a flicker of doubt in Lambda's eyes- as if, even now, he could not quite believe what it was that Asbel was saying. Haltingly, he asked, voice low, _"Why did you help me, Asbel Lhant?_ _Why did you help your enemy all those months ago? Was it solely to save Protos Heis from her destruction?"_

"No, it wasn't." Asbel frowned, even as the boy watched him. How could he explain the strange sensation of kinship he felt with Lambda, the way he felt and knew the creature's heart like his own? Even then, he had acted not only because he wanted to protect Sophie; he had _wanted_ to protect Lambda; this child he had barely known.

"I think... I think it's because I saw a part of myself, in you," he answered. "The part of me that I alone wasn't able to protect, wasn't able to help. I wanted to help you- because I _knew._ "

He wondered if that was enough to get his point across, if that answer was enough for the creature.

 _"In saving me, you saved yourself."_ Lambda stared at him, lips pursed as he considered the idea. Finally, he chuckled. _"How utterly selfish."_

"You know that's not what I meant!" Asbel retorted, flustered. "I- You-"

 _"I know."_ Facing him, Asbel could see an unfamiliar softness in the creature's eyes. Finishing for him, Lambda said softly, _"You needed your friends to protect you, just as I needed someone to help me. You... protected me."_

"Yes." Asbel breathed softly. It felt weird to hear Lambda say that- but watching the crinkle in his friend's eyes at his response, it also... felt right.

The boy chuckled softly at his speechlessness, before ducking his head slightly. _"If I may ask a favour- I would like to borrow your body for a while longer."_

The redhead frowned- but before he could ask, he heard them: his friends, calling beyond the horizon. _Their_ friends. Fodra had left them untouched, and everything had worked out just fine. And he knew then what it was that Lambda wanted to do.

"Of course you can," Asbel responded, nodding. "The others- make sure you thank them as well."

Lambda nodded as he stood. Quietly, he held out a hand to the man.

Asbel paused before grasping Lambda's hand. He remembered the sensation of tiny fingers curling reactively into his own; of the way he had once reached out to a lonely child to save him before he faded away into the mist. Briefly, he wondered if Lambda remembered the first time they touched, the first time they _connected._

In answer, the creature- his companion, his friend- smiled.

His grip was tight as he pulled Asbel up to his feet.


	7. Future

**Future**

* * *

The memorial stood, old and proud, much like the line of lords that it represented. It towered quietly over Lhant, and as Asbel stood alone in the small garden built to house the names of his forefathers, he felt an odd lump well up in his throat.

He ran his fingers down the aged stone, like he imagined his father and _his_ father might have done before. These were the names of the men that had protected Lhant and Windor before him, the names who once weighed him down like a burden; who had long cast a shadow he had to live under. The men, whose names and strength he now hoped he would be able to live up to.

It had been months since their return from Fodra, but this was the first time he had paid the memorial a visit. There had been so many things he had to take care of upon his return, so much _life_ to address- but now, in this garden, all of that felt distant. There was nobody else around, and in the silent evening calm, he was reminded all the more of the mantle he had chosen to bear.

 _"He would have been proud."_

Lambda's voice resonated deep in his heart, and Asbel couldn't help but smile at his friend's assurance.

"I hope so," he whispered.

 _"You do not agree?"_ The creature's confusion was understandable. _"You have accomplished far more than any other Lord of Lhant. You saved the world. Twice."_

"And do you think Cornell would be proud of you?" he asked quietly. It sounded like a cruel jab, but Asbel knew the creature would understand. After all, despite all they had accomplished as individuals, they would always be haunted by the ghosts of their pasts; their failures.

Lambda stared solemnly through his left eye. Asbel could sense his friend's thoughts touching his consciousness, felt a quiet regret that reflection often brought on.

His friend let out a soft sigh. _"I almost killed you once. Do you remember?"_

Asbel's smile was faint. "In the catacombs, when I was a child." He remembered that sensation of Lambda's strike passing through his flesh, of being too weak to do anything as he watched Sophie die in front of him. Of living, but at the cost of someone else's life; and the pain that had set him on his path. It would never fade, but it wasn't so bad, more like a scar that he finally found the strength to bear.

He scuffed his feet. "I... hated you for that."

 _"And I hated you for being the catalyst to my destruction,"_ Lambda murmured. _"If it were not for you, Richard would never have fought against me and Protos Heis would have died. If it were not for you, I believed I could finally rest."_

Asbel nodded. In a way, even though they were born not an inch alike, their paths had wound themselves in a way that could have been mirrors of each other, yet constantly opposed to one another.

 _"And yet you saved me. You overcame your hatred... for your enemy."_

"Hate begets more hate," Asbel replied quietly. "I learned that from you, from losing my father... And I wanted something more, for the both of us."

Staring at his father's name, carved upon stone, the redhead asked, "Do you think I'm weak, Lambda?"

 _"Yes,"_ the reply was succinct and immediate. _"Your body is fragile, your mind is dull, your humanity is all too clear. You yearn for the impossible and act without rational thought. You place the safety of others before yourself, and you make decisions without thinking of your sacrifices. You are guileless and foolish._

 _"Yet, you are... the strongest person I know."_

Asbel bowed his head, rested his forehead against the cool stone. Despite the creature's words, a genuine chuckle bubbled out from deep in his gut. "Thank you, Lambda."

Once, those words would have been greeted with derision or denial. But now Lambda gave a soft harrumph, and Asbel knew his sentiments had been accepted, even if his friend still had yet to learn how to respond. But it was okay; they both had time to learn and grow.

He stood there for a moment, a lone figure against the setting sun. Being here, he could almost feel close to his father- to all the what ifs and words that were never said. He could almost imagine Aston, standing behind him, watching his son's bowed back.

Perhaps the reason why he avoided this place wasn't just because he was busy.

But having Lambda beside him gave him the strength to come here once more, to stare at his father's name, and remember all it was that he had left to do. All it was that he had been entrusted to do; and of the man that he only could remember from the faintest of memories.

Perhaps it was because, if nothing else, Lambda understood.

"I miss him," he admitted softly.

Lambda's feelings intertwined with his own, even if their thoughts were different. And Asbel was grateful that he was not alone.

The light was almost gone, and a cold chill brushed against his cheek. Soon, Asbel knew he would have to return- to his responsibilities, to his life. He could not afford to extend this moment of contemplation much longer. Yet, he was reluctant to leave this place.

It was Lambda's quiet voice that poked through his thoughts. _"I may not be able to speak for your father, Asbel, but if it means anything to you- I... am proud of you, for all you have done for me; for all that you are. I, too, will miss you dearly, when the time comes that we must part."_

It was rare for Lambda to be so open with his feelings. But perhaps the time, and the person, was just right.

Asbel cherished the feelings his friend entrusted him; the certainty that carried with the thought.

"Likewise," he whispered to his friend; the creature who was his dual self.

Lambda said nothing, but he didn't need to. Asbel could hear him loud and clear.

And with a single, final glance at his father's name, the Lord of Lhant turned back to his future, back to the life he had left to live.

"Let's go home, Lambda."

 **End**

* * *

 _A big thanks to everyone who has read Duality, as well as my beta Daidairo, who encouraged me to write it despite my constant griping. I actually would have liked to write more for Duality, but I figured that it was better to keep everything concise and to the point; and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I love the Asbel-Lambda relationship, and I hoped that I did it justice. I also hope that the fic was enjoyable for you to read, because it certainly was for me to write!_


End file.
